Journal questions

Here are the journal questions from the first week!

1. On the whole, has your experience with spiritual exploration been positive or negative? If it has been mostly negative, what drives you to continue?

I'd have to say my experience with spiritual exploration has had both positive and negative aspects. I've been told I'm going to hell more times than I can count, and most of the time it was simply because I was Methodist, and said accuser was some other denomination. Sadly, I turned into that kind of person for a period of time. However, looking back, I realize I was like that simply because I was trying to fit in, to do the right things, say the right things, etc, in order to be a "good" Christian. I'm glad I outgrew that phase. Right after that phase, though, I had a very long period of doubt. I would have days where I just could not get myself to believe in God, and some days where there was no doubt in my mind that there was a god. This led to me delving into what I really believed about God, myself, and the world. I went on numerous mission trips to Guatemala, and saw the horrible poverty, and spoke with so many abused children, I didn't know how God could allow this to happen. But then I'd see the kids smile, despite everything, and see the few people who give their entire lives to making things better, and I know God is working in them, and in me. I can see good people doing good things every day, regardless of their belief system. That's a huge positive.

2. Were the negative experiences you had the result of religious institutions you
disagreed with, individuals or group personality conflicts, problems with the
religion’s doctrine, or something else? What did you learn about your own spiritual needs from those experiences?

The negative experiences were from a lot of different things. I was trying so hard to be what I thought I should be, that I was ignoring what my heart was trying to tell me. I have serious issues with people who take the Bible literally. I've always believed it to be very metaphorical, and that the whole book is more like guidelines than anything, and time and evolution of culture should be taken into consideration. This got me into trouble a lot. I learned that I can gather pieces of wisdom from the church and the Bible, as well as other religions and teachers, but I truly need to delve into the depths of my own heart and conscience in order to find my path to God. Trying to be something I'm not will never work, and I don't think it's what God wants.

3. If you had to choose one thing to call God, whether a name (like Allah or Demeter) or a title (like Mother, Great Spirit, et cetera) what would you choose?
Why?

I think I'd just pick God. It's familiar to me, first of all. I don't think human languages possess the ability to truly describe God, and I don't think we really need to. I don't believe God has a specific gender, or even a form, necessarily. But being human, and having the obsessive necessity to put a label on everything, I think "God" works just fine, no matter if he/she/it has a corporeal form, or is just a floating cloud of energy, which, in fact, is what I've thought my entire life. I thought of God as a huge, unending cloud of energy, the Holy Spirit as a small one, and Jesus as the corporeal form. The whole idea of God being a big old man with a beard confused me.

4. How have you experienced Deity most often in your life: as a discrete
entity/entities, as a transcendent impersonal force, as a feeling of divine love,
something else, all of the above?

I'd have to say a feeling of divine love. Jesus says the greatest of the commandments is to love. God created us out of love. All I learned growing up at church was about love! How can we not have a loving god, when we have such a beautiful world and universe, as well as the knowledge to explore it? Yes, I very much believe God is love, no matter what form my "religion" ends up taking. Love and compassion are key. I also think God lets us wander our own paths, gently nudging us here and there, but never moving us like pieces on a chess board. You know, free will and all.

5. What is the least you need as an altar to supplement your practice? What would
be your ideal?

Honestly, I don't think I need an altar in order to connect with God. I'm open to the idea of starting an altar, as I think it would help be a reminder to try that connection, but I've never really felt disconnected. I'm unsure about this question at the moment. :-)