How do you pray?

Week 3 was all about prayer. The previous weeks were based on meditation, the listening side of the conversation between you and God, and this week was about the talking side of the conversation. After discussing prayer for a bit, Dianne asked "When you come before God to speak, how do you pray?"After a few examples "Do you pray like a poet? ...an artist? ... a dancer?" she says this paragraph, which I personally find rather profound:

"The exact method you use to communicate with Deity isn’t as important as
whether that method is appropriate for you and that you do it authentically. It’s way
better to spend five minutes deeply in touch with God through jumping on a pogo
stick than an hour faking it in church. What matters is the sincerity of your prayer,
the authenticity of your voice, the depth of your longing to feel the Holy Whoa of
God touch your life and lift you up in ways you can’t articulate."

I probably spent a good 5 years where I prayed maybe two or three times the entire year. I say "prayer" in that sense as sitting down, and truly speaking mind-to-God. There were plenty of times where I thought at God, or pondered the divine order of things, etc., but actually sitting down and saying "Dear Lord, blah blah blah" was rare.

I also haven't been a regular church-goer since high school. Since then, away from the church where I grew up, I always felt my presence wasn't authentic, my reasons for being there were skewed, and the whole thing was messed up. As Sylvan said, I was faking it. I wasn't sincere. I think that's why I mostly stopped praying, too, because for a long time, I wasn't convinced my prayers were being heard by anyone.

I did, however, have this tendency to put any emotion I was feeling into my music. I still do. If I'm feeling a certain way, or hoping for a certain outcome, or a friend is in pain, etc., I find a piece of music that conveys exactly how I'm feeling. Now that I play in a sanctuary of a church almost on a daily basis, I feel like that's my prayer. The next week's module talks about acting on your prayers (e.g. applying for a job, you call them, and work to get the job, not just try to let it happen), and it kinda hit home with the whole musical prayer thing that I've been pondering. I want a music job. I want to be in an orchestra. I put that desire into my music, and I work my butt off to be good enough on my instrument to get and keep that job.

I've also said before that my practice sessions tend to be meditative, also, since I'm so focused on what I'm doing, and nothing else really matters at the time.

How do I pray? I pray as a musician. I put my prayer through about 18 feet of brass tubing, and let it ring for anyone to hear. I put my discipline, my hope, my confidence, into that metal. I've become so attached to it, in fact, that I no longer sing anywhere but my car, and that's only if I'm alone and the windows are rolled up. My horn is not just my instrument, but it has become my true voice. Prayer doesn't get much more personal than that. "What matters is the sincerity of your prayer, the authenticity of your voice, the depth of your longing to feel the Holy Whoa of God touch your life and lift you up in ways you can’t articulate."

She goes on to talk about 10 common ways to pray, which brought up another thought. The second way on the list was Mudras. I hadn't heard of mudras until I started Jujitsu in New Jersey, and my teacher taught me different energy katas. Each kata had a mudra to go with it, designed to harness and focus different energies. I suppose that is a different way of praying, because every Mudra, every kata, has a different purpose for the self: health, balance, knowledge, intuition, making yourself invisible to your enemies, etc. Each is a form of prayer, but I never thought of it that way. I guess I'll really have to start doing the katas again!

The project from week 3 was to create a journey book, which I've already mentioned in a couple of posts. We are to collect quotes, photos, art, etc that speak to us spiritually. I'm quite happily adding to my journey book close to every day. It has been my favorite project so far, and I found a beautiful journal of a woman sitting under a cherry tree for my book.

Journal questions:

1. When you were a child, did you have to learn and recite any prayers? Do you still remember them? What meaning do they hold for you now versus what you thought they meant as a child?

I remember one year in Sunday School, I think it was third grade, we had all the words from the Lord's Prayer on little pieces of paper the table, and we were supposed to put the words in order. It was probably the first prayer I learned by heart. It has stuck with me for so many years, even when I wasn't sure about Christianity, but was sure about God, because it doesn't mention Jesus. However, Jesus was the one who gave us the prayer. When I wasn't sure what to say to pray, it was my go-to prayer. I now recite it frequently, at the end of meditation, when I'm trying to pray for someone, etc. I don't tend to think "Dear God, please help so-and-so through this hard time they are having." I just think about whoever needs some help/guidance/love, and say the Lord's Prayer, and figure God knows what I mean.


The rest of the Journal questions were about listing books that have been influential to us on our spiritual journeys. I didn't really read any, actually. I've read quite a bit of the Bible, but have personal and historical issues with the book, so I don't find it to be quite as inspiring in my faith as many seem to. But it's really the only book about any kind of faith that I've read. I found a book about Buddhism at a used book store that I want to start reading. I just have this serious problem with starting non-fiction books and never finishing them. I made it one of my goals for this year to read a non-fiction book every month, but so far, I'm halfway through one. And it's March. I'm not doing so hot.

Journal Questions

The journal questions this week are a little wonky to me. Whereas last week, the questions were ones I frequently thought about before the course, this week they are questions I've never really thought about that much.

The second question doesn't apply to where I am right now, therefore I will skip it. During the first week, we were given an assignment to clear off our altars, and meditate in front of the cleared space. If we have no altar to begin with, we were to clear a space, and meditate still. I have cleared a space, but I haven't been around much to meditate in front of it. I've never been one for altars, or meditating, but I have decided to give it a shot. I'll just be a bit behind on that one.

1. Write in your journal about a spiritual experience you’ve never felt comfortable talking about because it seemed too “out there” or “silly.” Does it sound similar to any of those discussed in this week’s material?

(This week talked about finding spiritual inspiration in weird places, such as books or TV shows) I don't generally feel comfortable talking about spiritual experiences with more than a select few people, so this question really applies to all experiences I've had. However, I can think of a few to mention here.

I practiced a system of Japanese Jujitsu during the last few months of my time in New Jersey, and was introduced to an entirely new aspect of spirituality: energy. My teacher is a Buddhist priest, and we had many other priests or Buddhists in the class. I learned basics of manipulating my own energy and that of an opponent, as well as moving meditation meant to balance the energy inside of me and surrounding me. I learned about the different elements, and how each person has an element they are most like. I learned I was fire, but my teacher thought it was very interesting that I had also mastered wind, and made it a part of myself (I'm a brass player... we breathe a lot). He taught me how to channel the energy of all the elements, to balance myself out. I haven't done this meditation in a long time, but I'm hoping to start adding it back into my daily routine. If you had asked me before I started Jujitsu, whether or not I believed in the power of this energy, or balancing of the elements, I would have said no. But now that I've seen it working, that I've seen my teacher harness this energy and hold a black-belt at bay with his little finger, I believe in it wholeheartedly. When I bring it up to people, however, they have a tendency to not believe me... So, I mostly keep it to myself.

Every time I'm on stage playing a concert is a spiritual experience for me. I always feel like there is nowhere else I'm supposed to be, that I'm doing exactly what God had planned. It doesn't get much better.

One thing that was mentioned this week resonated with me: the Kushiel's Legacy books. They have such an open yet sacred view of sexuality that it really made me think about the contemporary conservative Christian view of sexuality, and how I don't think it's what God had in mind. "Love as thou wilt" sounds a whole lot like Jesus talking about the greatest commandment being Love. Everything about those books was inspirational.

3. Imagine you’re at a party and someone asks about your spiritual practices. (It’s
a weird party. Just go with it.) How would you describe your unique flavor of Nomadism in, say, 30 words or less? Are you a Zen Druid of the Cross? Founder of
the Church of the Cupcake Yogini? Ask yourself this same question again at the end
of the Nomad course to see how your path and your priorities change.

Personal Christian, but universal theist and religious freedom advocate. (I bet that would take some explaining, but it's the closest I could think of.)

4. What is one thing a lot of people you know seem to find inspiring that you just
don’t get? Is it simply not appealing to you or are you resisting it for other reasons
(everyone’s into it so I refuse to be; it sounds too childish; I don’t want to sacrifice a chicken every Thursday because I’m a vegan)? It’s just as important to know where you don’t find inspiration as where you do – and if something feels off, it’s
important to figure out why so you’ll know what to look for in future explorations.

CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN PRAISE MUSIC. Seriously, people... just stop. It's painful to listen to, and painful to try to work with as a musician. I cannot affiliate myself with a church whose main form of worship involves a rock band.

I'd say meditation is something I don't really get. Perhaps I just have an incorrect view of what your brain is supposed to be doing, but I can't get mine to focus on anything. If I sit still, I think about everything going on in my life, or the book I'm reading, or what music I have to prepare, how I should be practicing rather than sitting around... I've never found much peace or guidance from meditating. Alas, I'm still giving it a go.

Journal questions

Here are the journal questions from the first week!

1. On the whole, has your experience with spiritual exploration been positive or negative? If it has been mostly negative, what drives you to continue?

I'd have to say my experience with spiritual exploration has had both positive and negative aspects. I've been told I'm going to hell more times than I can count, and most of the time it was simply because I was Methodist, and said accuser was some other denomination. Sadly, I turned into that kind of person for a period of time. However, looking back, I realize I was like that simply because I was trying to fit in, to do the right things, say the right things, etc, in order to be a "good" Christian. I'm glad I outgrew that phase. Right after that phase, though, I had a very long period of doubt. I would have days where I just could not get myself to believe in God, and some days where there was no doubt in my mind that there was a god. This led to me delving into what I really believed about God, myself, and the world. I went on numerous mission trips to Guatemala, and saw the horrible poverty, and spoke with so many abused children, I didn't know how God could allow this to happen. But then I'd see the kids smile, despite everything, and see the few people who give their entire lives to making things better, and I know God is working in them, and in me. I can see good people doing good things every day, regardless of their belief system. That's a huge positive.

2. Were the negative experiences you had the result of religious institutions you
disagreed with, individuals or group personality conflicts, problems with the
religion’s doctrine, or something else? What did you learn about your own spiritual needs from those experiences?

The negative experiences were from a lot of different things. I was trying so hard to be what I thought I should be, that I was ignoring what my heart was trying to tell me. I have serious issues with people who take the Bible literally. I've always believed it to be very metaphorical, and that the whole book is more like guidelines than anything, and time and evolution of culture should be taken into consideration. This got me into trouble a lot. I learned that I can gather pieces of wisdom from the church and the Bible, as well as other religions and teachers, but I truly need to delve into the depths of my own heart and conscience in order to find my path to God. Trying to be something I'm not will never work, and I don't think it's what God wants.

3. If you had to choose one thing to call God, whether a name (like Allah or Demeter) or a title (like Mother, Great Spirit, et cetera) what would you choose?
Why?

I think I'd just pick God. It's familiar to me, first of all. I don't think human languages possess the ability to truly describe God, and I don't think we really need to. I don't believe God has a specific gender, or even a form, necessarily. But being human, and having the obsessive necessity to put a label on everything, I think "God" works just fine, no matter if he/she/it has a corporeal form, or is just a floating cloud of energy, which, in fact, is what I've thought my entire life. I thought of God as a huge, unending cloud of energy, the Holy Spirit as a small one, and Jesus as the corporeal form. The whole idea of God being a big old man with a beard confused me.

4. How have you experienced Deity most often in your life: as a discrete
entity/entities, as a transcendent impersonal force, as a feeling of divine love,
something else, all of the above?

I'd have to say a feeling of divine love. Jesus says the greatest of the commandments is to love. God created us out of love. All I learned growing up at church was about love! How can we not have a loving god, when we have such a beautiful world and universe, as well as the knowledge to explore it? Yes, I very much believe God is love, no matter what form my "religion" ends up taking. Love and compassion are key. I also think God lets us wander our own paths, gently nudging us here and there, but never moving us like pieces on a chess board. You know, free will and all.

5. What is the least you need as an altar to supplement your practice? What would
be your ideal?

Honestly, I don't think I need an altar in order to connect with God. I'm open to the idea of starting an altar, as I think it would help be a reminder to try that connection, but I've never really felt disconnected. I'm unsure about this question at the moment. :-)